How Bible Study Changed My Life and Saved My Marriage
David Lawson and his wife's marriage was in serious trouble. So, while his wife B.J. was out of town visiting a relative, he visited a church. That Sunday morning, he gave his life to Christ."
I didn't know what being a Christian was all about," says Lawson. "I just felt this incredible question burning in my heart: 'What do I do now that I'm a Christian?'"
Right at the beginning of his new faith journey, David says there were two things he knew for sure. First, even though his marriage was on the rocks, a divorce was out of the question. And second, having come to faith in Christ under the preaching of a Bible-saturated church, he thought, "If God wrote the Bible, I should probably read it!"
While he could not have known it at that moment, this insightful instinct was the first step toward an entirely new career and calling, as well as a restored marriage. A police officer at the time of his conversion, Lawson quickly developed a strong passion for Bible study—a passion he soon shared with his wife, B.J., who became a believer six weeks later.
"From the moment she became a Christian, both of us had a strong desire to understand what the Bible said." Because of Lawson's job, he was unable to join a weekly Bible study at first; however, B.J. joined a Precept study a few months after their conversion. "I was so jealous," Lawson admits. "She was studying and learning what the Bible said in a way that made sense to her."
Observing the study techniques his wife had learned from Precept, which included using different colored pencils and symbols to help her better understand the biblical text, Lawson began asking questions.
"I aggravated that poor woman to death! I would stand over her shoulder and ask her what she was doing, and why she wrote this and why she drew that. She was trying to concentrate, and my questions became very frustrating for her!" The Lawsons finally came to an agreement. "She would do her homework without me bugging her, and then when she was finished, I could read through it." For four months, B.J. shared her notes with her husband until an evening class provided them both with the opportunity to attend a Bible study. Lawson says that their newfound, shared passion for studying Scripture played a huge role in saving their marriage.
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Today, David and B.J. Lawson are authors with Precept Ministries (Precept.org), writing Bible studies and traveling all over the world to speak about the Scriptures and equip believers to study on their own. During a conference in Wisconsin, David Lawson took some time to speak with Bible Study Magazine about his work with one of the top Bible study resources in the world, how he keeps his own fire burning, and which Bible study resources he can't live without.
The mission of Precept Ministries is to see people established in God's Word, specifically through Bible study using what Precept calls "the inductive method." Rather than offering one person's reflections and interpretations, Precept studies challenge students to observe, interpret and find practical applications from the Scriptures on their own (and in group settings) through careful, word-by-word study.
"I've noticed that many Bible studies are written by people who are passionate about God and write studies to tell other people what they've learned about Him," says Lawson. "However, one of the problems with that is that it puts my personal relationship with the lord in the hands of a middle-man. I can easily become dependent upon what others have learned about God, and not be in that personal relationship myself. At Precept, our hope is not that the church would do away with personal, interpretive Bible studies done by various Bible teachers, but rather that those would become secondary sources, with the primary source being a personal study of the Word of God, so folks can differentiate what someone else has learned from what they have discovered themselves."
To emphasize his point, Lawson shared a favorite illustration. "My study of the Word is the meat and potatoes of life—it is what grows and nourishes me. Other studies, the ones that talk about people's personal experiences with God, are more like spices. I need the nourishment that comes from studying the actual texts … the studies of other people add extra flavor to that substance. Precept Ministries' passion is to get you into the heart of the substance. We want you to explore Scripture for yourself, then enjoy the spice of reading what others have to say about their own studies."
This "meat and potatoes" approach provides consistent nourishment for Lawson, but what happens during the inevitable seasons of spiritual famine? Maintaining a personal relationship with Christ and a fresh approach to God's Word is a struggle that many pastors and ministry leaders face. How does this professional Bible teacher keep his own cup filled?
"I see that problem in others and I wrestle with it myself. Mostly it's attitude. My mentors taught me that the best teaching is done when it's an overflow of what God is doing in my life, so (as a pastor) my goal is not to come up with a great sermon, but rather to have a great relationship with my God that spills out as I teach and interact with others," says Lawson. "In addition to that attitude, I have to make myself get up and pursue God. I begin my day, end my day, and sometimes take time in the middle of the day, to just read a Psalm or a chapter of a book in the Bible and meditate on it." Lawson also finds journaling to be very effective, noting that writing things down helps him listen and discern God's leading in his life.
In his twenty-plus years in ministry, Lawson has encountered many different resources and tools for studying the Scriptures. Asked which three resources should be on every
Bible study leader's shelf, Lawson was very quick to note that, while it may seem obvious, the most important resource is the Bible itself.
"The single most important thing for any leader, before looking to any other resource, is to read the text and find out exactly what the text says. We often jump to what we think a text means, but first we need to see what it says.
So to start with, read the text! Without commentaries or interpretations of others, just read the text. This is about 70% of my energy—looking for repetition in the text, answering the ‘who, what, where, when, why and how' questions, summarizing the main points of each paragraph in one sentence or even just a phrase, and thinking about how all of this applies to me on a personal, practical level. This is just straight up engaging with Scripture— it lays a solid foundation before I use any other tools."
"Now, having said that, the second most common resource I use is Logos Bible Software. I wouldn't be lost without it, but I would certainly be handicapped! The number of volumes and resources in that software has made my electronic library much bigger than my actual library. Plus, it's easily searchable. I can find something in seconds that would take me hours to look for if I were physically sifting through book after book." Lawson notes that he also frequently uses an English dictionary, looking for alternate meanings and nuances to words, helping him get a better understanding of what translators meant by the particular words they chose.
sâmbătă, 30 iulie 2011
How Do I Make Or Get My Husband Be A Better Husband To Me And Not Have Such Bad Behavior?
I often hear from wives who are at the end of their ropes with their husband's behavior. Many of them are in a situation where they don't want to or can't get a divorce so they know that they are going to be stuck with this person through thick and thin. But, that doesn't mean that they always enjoy how he acts or treats them. And many find that, over time, their tolerance for their husband's annoying, nasty, or downright rude behavior and treatment of them begins to wane and they want to take some action.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: "my husband is not a bad guy, but sometimes, he is a bad husband. When we met, he was loving and outgoing. Today, he is neither. He is sarcastic. He can be mean. And he's very often lazy. His attitude is that he works hard all day and when he comes home he should not have to lift a finger. In the meantime, I am juggling my job, my parents, this house, and our kids. But he would never think of doing anything to lighten my load and when I'm reluctant to have sex with him because I'm just tired and frustrated he makes comments that show he thinks most of this is my fault and that I'm letting him down in some way. He is rarely loving or complimentary towards me. I might fall over from shock if he gave me a compliment. If you would have told me 10 years ago that the man who I loved would turn into one of those bad husbands from a sitcom, I would have never believed you. But that's almost exactly what I have. I don't want to leave him or get a divorce. I love him and we have kids. But I don't know how much longer I can stand his behavior. When I call him on it, though, he acts as if I'm an overly emotional female, shrugs it off, or makes some joke. How can i get him to change?"
To start, I asked this wife how she had been attempting to get him to change his behavior in the past. She said that most of the time, she would call him on it and either tell him that she didn't appreciate it or point it out and then withdrawal all together, hoping that he would "get the hint." This obviously had not worked because in response, the husband would either bump up his negative behavior or paint that wife as overly critical or overly emotional. So, I felt that the first step was going to be to change tactics, which I'll discuss below.
Continue to call him on his bad behavior, but do it in a completey different way: I would never suggest that you allow your husband to continue on with his bad behavior without any comment or reaction. But I have to tell you what I often hear from the husbands that are on the other side of the equation. If you talked to them, what you would hear is that their wife always paints them out to be the "bad guy" and seems to take great pleasure in constantly pointing out their many faults.
I often hear comments like: "my wife acts as if I'm an evil ogre or something. I can't do anything right in her eyes and she seems to just love to tell me that as often as she can. There's no winning with her. When I try to do better, she doesn't even notice, so what is the point?"
And this is why you will often have better results if you try to find a way to paint your husband as the good guy rather than the bad guy. Because if you do, you are going to get a much more positive response and more cooperation from him. He will feel appreciated and you will get what you want. It truly is a win / win. But if you continue to handle it with more criticism and disappointment, you're likely to experience more of the bad behavior and even resentment which can motivate your husband to want to continue to push your buttons.
I'm certainly not suggesting that you ignore his behavior or even try to make the best of it. What I am suggesting is that you approach this in entirely different way and hope that you get a different (and better) result.
Changing His Behavior By Making Him Want To Do Better: In my experience, the whole key is to give your husband a positive pay off for which to strive. If you can compliment him (and reward him) when he exhibits the behavior that you want, then he will be much more likely to repeat it without complaint. One reason for this is that he feels validated. You are seeing him as the good guy that you both know that he, deep down, truly is. Men love to play the role of the hero. So allow him to play the hero rather than the bad guy. He will be much more enthusiastic as the result.
My suggestion would be this. The next time that the wife comes home and the husband starts with his negative behavior, the wife might say something like: "I can see that you probably had an exhausting day just like I did. Why don't we order in and take turns giving each other a back rub? We'll both feel better and every thing else can wait." Normally, the wife would have torn into her husband and, waiting for a fight, he would have responded in kind.
But this way, both people are getting some relief and a fight is avoided. Another strategy to use is to find your husband doing something right and react even more strongly than you react when he does something wrong. Not only should you praise him to his face, but you should praise him to whoever will listen right in front of him. He will feel pride instead of frustration and he will look for ways to repeat the same positive behaviors. It doesn't hurt to praise him with your own physical affection when he is acting in the way that you hoped. This is a huge motivator for him to continue on and, in the meantime, you are both connecting with one another and making it more likely that both of you want to be kind and supportive of the other.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: "my husband is not a bad guy, but sometimes, he is a bad husband. When we met, he was loving and outgoing. Today, he is neither. He is sarcastic. He can be mean. And he's very often lazy. His attitude is that he works hard all day and when he comes home he should not have to lift a finger. In the meantime, I am juggling my job, my parents, this house, and our kids. But he would never think of doing anything to lighten my load and when I'm reluctant to have sex with him because I'm just tired and frustrated he makes comments that show he thinks most of this is my fault and that I'm letting him down in some way. He is rarely loving or complimentary towards me. I might fall over from shock if he gave me a compliment. If you would have told me 10 years ago that the man who I loved would turn into one of those bad husbands from a sitcom, I would have never believed you. But that's almost exactly what I have. I don't want to leave him or get a divorce. I love him and we have kids. But I don't know how much longer I can stand his behavior. When I call him on it, though, he acts as if I'm an overly emotional female, shrugs it off, or makes some joke. How can i get him to change?"
To start, I asked this wife how she had been attempting to get him to change his behavior in the past. She said that most of the time, she would call him on it and either tell him that she didn't appreciate it or point it out and then withdrawal all together, hoping that he would "get the hint." This obviously had not worked because in response, the husband would either bump up his negative behavior or paint that wife as overly critical or overly emotional. So, I felt that the first step was going to be to change tactics, which I'll discuss below.
Continue to call him on his bad behavior, but do it in a completey different way: I would never suggest that you allow your husband to continue on with his bad behavior without any comment or reaction. But I have to tell you what I often hear from the husbands that are on the other side of the equation. If you talked to them, what you would hear is that their wife always paints them out to be the "bad guy" and seems to take great pleasure in constantly pointing out their many faults.
I often hear comments like: "my wife acts as if I'm an evil ogre or something. I can't do anything right in her eyes and she seems to just love to tell me that as often as she can. There's no winning with her. When I try to do better, she doesn't even notice, so what is the point?"
And this is why you will often have better results if you try to find a way to paint your husband as the good guy rather than the bad guy. Because if you do, you are going to get a much more positive response and more cooperation from him. He will feel appreciated and you will get what you want. It truly is a win / win. But if you continue to handle it with more criticism and disappointment, you're likely to experience more of the bad behavior and even resentment which can motivate your husband to want to continue to push your buttons.
I'm certainly not suggesting that you ignore his behavior or even try to make the best of it. What I am suggesting is that you approach this in entirely different way and hope that you get a different (and better) result.
Changing His Behavior By Making Him Want To Do Better: In my experience, the whole key is to give your husband a positive pay off for which to strive. If you can compliment him (and reward him) when he exhibits the behavior that you want, then he will be much more likely to repeat it without complaint. One reason for this is that he feels validated. You are seeing him as the good guy that you both know that he, deep down, truly is. Men love to play the role of the hero. So allow him to play the hero rather than the bad guy. He will be much more enthusiastic as the result.
My suggestion would be this. The next time that the wife comes home and the husband starts with his negative behavior, the wife might say something like: "I can see that you probably had an exhausting day just like I did. Why don't we order in and take turns giving each other a back rub? We'll both feel better and every thing else can wait." Normally, the wife would have torn into her husband and, waiting for a fight, he would have responded in kind.
But this way, both people are getting some relief and a fight is avoided. Another strategy to use is to find your husband doing something right and react even more strongly than you react when he does something wrong. Not only should you praise him to his face, but you should praise him to whoever will listen right in front of him. He will feel pride instead of frustration and he will look for ways to repeat the same positive behaviors. It doesn't hurt to praise him with your own physical affection when he is acting in the way that you hoped. This is a huge motivator for him to continue on and, in the meantime, you are both connecting with one another and making it more likely that both of you want to be kind and supportive of the other.
My Wife Wants to Be Single! How to Mend Your Marriage
Many people will tell you that you give up a lot when you venture into married life from single living. Typically those individuals are the ones that have either never been married or are in the midst of a bitter divorce battle. You're a man who enjoys being married and feels that he's found his place in the world. It's right next to your wife. That's all well and good until your wife tells you that she isn't feeling as fulfilled within the relationship as you are. If your wife decides that married life isn't for her anymore, you have a problem on your hands that you just can't ignore. When a wife wants to be single, and her husband wants to be married, that's a critical crossroads for the future of the relationship.
Before you fly off the handle and allow your emotions to consume you, it's important that you come to some sort of understanding about why your wife wants to be single. Women tend to be very emotional and your wife may be reacting strongly to a recent conflict between the two of you. Perhaps when she was in an anger filled state she decided that she'd rather be on her own than try and deal with you for another moment. If that's the case, it may be worthwhile to revisit the topic of discussion that lead to the argument so you two can work it out with compromise. Women sometimes hold grudges and that resentment may be eating your wife up inside causing her to want to distance herself from you.
If your wife`s desire to be single stems from ongoing issues between the two of you it's necessary for you to handle this situation a bit differently. Things aren't going to simply blow over. You need to address the root of the problem if you stand any chance of repairing your already tenuous relationship. The only real way to identify what is causing your wife to want to leave the marriage is by asking her. She may be reluctant to share but you have to assure her that you won't overreact or discount what she feels. If she senses that you're truly willing to hear her out, you'll be able to get to the bottom of what is going on and that will give you a place to begin to fix things.
If your wife is persistent with her desire to be single, she may suggest a temporary separation. It's easy to panic at the mere mention of this because all you see is your marriage disappearing before your very eyes. Sometimes a separation is just what a marriage in peril needs to get back on track. Some emotional and physical distance can help tremendously in that it gives you both a chance to really think about what has been happening between you and what needs to be done to change it. It also allows enough breathing room that your wife may soon miss you. It's one thing to think you want to be single and it's a much different thing to actually experience it. Taking a step back from the stress of the conflicts you two are facing may help your wife see how much she truly does need you.
Before you fly off the handle and allow your emotions to consume you, it's important that you come to some sort of understanding about why your wife wants to be single. Women tend to be very emotional and your wife may be reacting strongly to a recent conflict between the two of you. Perhaps when she was in an anger filled state she decided that she'd rather be on her own than try and deal with you for another moment. If that's the case, it may be worthwhile to revisit the topic of discussion that lead to the argument so you two can work it out with compromise. Women sometimes hold grudges and that resentment may be eating your wife up inside causing her to want to distance herself from you.
If your wife`s desire to be single stems from ongoing issues between the two of you it's necessary for you to handle this situation a bit differently. Things aren't going to simply blow over. You need to address the root of the problem if you stand any chance of repairing your already tenuous relationship. The only real way to identify what is causing your wife to want to leave the marriage is by asking her. She may be reluctant to share but you have to assure her that you won't overreact or discount what she feels. If she senses that you're truly willing to hear her out, you'll be able to get to the bottom of what is going on and that will give you a place to begin to fix things.
If your wife is persistent with her desire to be single, she may suggest a temporary separation. It's easy to panic at the mere mention of this because all you see is your marriage disappearing before your very eyes. Sometimes a separation is just what a marriage in peril needs to get back on track. Some emotional and physical distance can help tremendously in that it gives you both a chance to really think about what has been happening between you and what needs to be done to change it. It also allows enough breathing room that your wife may soon miss you. It's one thing to think you want to be single and it's a much different thing to actually experience it. Taking a step back from the stress of the conflicts you two are facing may help your wife see how much she truly does need you.
My Husband Says He Won't Change His Mind About Not Wanting To Be Married Anymore. What Can I Do?
Knowing the couple I'm about to describe as I already do, I can pretty much picture the scene in my mind. And since I myself went through the same scene in what seems like another life time ago, I've felt what I know that the wife is feeling right now. I can literally not only see what probably went down in my mind's eye but I can almost experience the feelings that go along with it. Here's how it plays out in my head and also in my own memories.
Seemingly out of the blue, the husband announces that he doesn't want "this" anymore.
"This?" The wife asks. "What do you mean you don't want 'this' anymore?"
"The marriage." He finally replied. "I don't want the marriage anymore. I don't think I'm the type of guy who is meant to be married. Being responsible for someone else just isn't in my make up. I'm not happy. I don't want to hurt you by saying that, but I haven't been happy in far too long."
The wife feels her pulse quicken. Her mouth goes dry. She can't believe she's hearing this. Just last week, they'd vacationed on the site of their honeymoon. Just two days ago, he proclaimed his love for her. "You're just under a lot of stress," she rationalizes. We'll go to counseling. We'll sort this out. We love each other and we can get through anything as long as we work together."
The husband sighs and shakes his head with a silent 'no.' "I don't think so," he insists. "I'm not going to change my mind. I feel like I'm not really living my life. I can't put myself on hold any longer. I'm very sorry but I just don't want this for even one more day. I'll do everything in my power to make sure this is amicable, but I'm done."
Admittedly, maybe I took some creative license here. But scenes like this one play out each and every day. And yes, I wrote it pretty heavy on the dramatics. But the reason that I expressed it in the way that I did is because I know that it literally feels every bit as dramatic as it reads to the wife who is standing there hearing those words. And I know that the wife who has found this article wants some answers and is looking for any hope that she can find that she can change his mind and save the marriage. While I can't tell you if your husband is ever going to change his mind or exactly how you are going to make this happen, I can offer some suggestions to you as to what I have found works the best for all involved. I will do that below.
Much Of The Time, Trying To Change The Mind Of A Husband Who Insists That He's Not Going To Change It Is An Exercise In Futility: Those of us who have had our husbands tell us that he's not going to change his mind about wanting us or the marriage often hear the "change my mind" part as almost a challenge. Because we know that this is precisely what we most do in order to save our marriage.
But here's the thing. He's pretty much told you that you're going to be wasting your time if you try to make him see that he is wrong. So often, when you attempt to do just that, he's going to be especially invested in making sure that you do not succeed. He wants to be right every bit as much as you do. And sometimes, even if he's beginning to have conflicting thoughts, he'd rather hide or deny this than admit that you were right and he was wrong. And what will he do in response? He will cling even more tightly to his assertions, even if they are wavering. And unfortunately, this just brings you closer to the end of your marriage.
So you are better off (at least in my opinion,) making it appear that changing his mind is the last thing on yours. If he thinks that you accept his position, than he has no reason to cling to it like a life raft. He may even lessen his drip just a little bit, which can be a good thing for you.
Consider Giving Him A Bit Of What He Thinks He Needs In Order To Be Happy So That He Can Come To His Own Conclusions: You and I both know that it's likely not your marriage that is making your husband unhappy. He may not realize the same right now, but if you give him enough space to explore this, there is a chance that he will soon find out what you already know.
This husband (like many) felt that his marriage and his responsibilities were keeping him from truly experiencing the life and the freedom that he felt he ought to enjoy. Well, then, by all means, consider lowering the marital gate. Perhaps you tell him that you don't want him to feel so trapped as it was never your intention to make him unhappy. Perhaps you offer to stay with friends or family so that he can experience what life is like when he doesn't have a wife and marital life to come home to.
I know that this might not sound all that appealing to you right now. But, if he is never allowed to discover that this carefree lifestyle is perhaps lonely and isolating rather than freeing, then, even if he does end up staying with you and the marriage, he's always going to wonder what might have been. And he's always going to look at his "freedom" as something that you tried to keep him from. Therefore all of those frustrating feelings of being "stuck" are still probably going to be associated with you and your marriage.
Quite honestly, a good deal of husbands in this situation eventually end up figuring out that the trade off for that freedom they want is a bitter loneliness and sense of loss for pushing away the one person who truly loves and knows them. I can't guarantee you that this will always happen. But, if you look at it rationally, you already have a husband who is determined to shed what he thinks is holding him back. How is that going to change if he's not allowed a glimpse of exactly what he is risking for a chance at perceived happiness?
At the very least, I think (and know from experience) that it makes sense to at least play along for a little while and see where that leads you. Because I can tell you that very few husbands who insist that they aren't going to change their minds about not wanting the marriage actually end up changing it without a little intervention first.
Seemingly out of the blue, the husband announces that he doesn't want "this" anymore.
"This?" The wife asks. "What do you mean you don't want 'this' anymore?"
"The marriage." He finally replied. "I don't want the marriage anymore. I don't think I'm the type of guy who is meant to be married. Being responsible for someone else just isn't in my make up. I'm not happy. I don't want to hurt you by saying that, but I haven't been happy in far too long."
The wife feels her pulse quicken. Her mouth goes dry. She can't believe she's hearing this. Just last week, they'd vacationed on the site of their honeymoon. Just two days ago, he proclaimed his love for her. "You're just under a lot of stress," she rationalizes. We'll go to counseling. We'll sort this out. We love each other and we can get through anything as long as we work together."
The husband sighs and shakes his head with a silent 'no.' "I don't think so," he insists. "I'm not going to change my mind. I feel like I'm not really living my life. I can't put myself on hold any longer. I'm very sorry but I just don't want this for even one more day. I'll do everything in my power to make sure this is amicable, but I'm done."
Admittedly, maybe I took some creative license here. But scenes like this one play out each and every day. And yes, I wrote it pretty heavy on the dramatics. But the reason that I expressed it in the way that I did is because I know that it literally feels every bit as dramatic as it reads to the wife who is standing there hearing those words. And I know that the wife who has found this article wants some answers and is looking for any hope that she can find that she can change his mind and save the marriage. While I can't tell you if your husband is ever going to change his mind or exactly how you are going to make this happen, I can offer some suggestions to you as to what I have found works the best for all involved. I will do that below.
Much Of The Time, Trying To Change The Mind Of A Husband Who Insists That He's Not Going To Change It Is An Exercise In Futility: Those of us who have had our husbands tell us that he's not going to change his mind about wanting us or the marriage often hear the "change my mind" part as almost a challenge. Because we know that this is precisely what we most do in order to save our marriage.
But here's the thing. He's pretty much told you that you're going to be wasting your time if you try to make him see that he is wrong. So often, when you attempt to do just that, he's going to be especially invested in making sure that you do not succeed. He wants to be right every bit as much as you do. And sometimes, even if he's beginning to have conflicting thoughts, he'd rather hide or deny this than admit that you were right and he was wrong. And what will he do in response? He will cling even more tightly to his assertions, even if they are wavering. And unfortunately, this just brings you closer to the end of your marriage.
So you are better off (at least in my opinion,) making it appear that changing his mind is the last thing on yours. If he thinks that you accept his position, than he has no reason to cling to it like a life raft. He may even lessen his drip just a little bit, which can be a good thing for you.
Consider Giving Him A Bit Of What He Thinks He Needs In Order To Be Happy So That He Can Come To His Own Conclusions: You and I both know that it's likely not your marriage that is making your husband unhappy. He may not realize the same right now, but if you give him enough space to explore this, there is a chance that he will soon find out what you already know.
This husband (like many) felt that his marriage and his responsibilities were keeping him from truly experiencing the life and the freedom that he felt he ought to enjoy. Well, then, by all means, consider lowering the marital gate. Perhaps you tell him that you don't want him to feel so trapped as it was never your intention to make him unhappy. Perhaps you offer to stay with friends or family so that he can experience what life is like when he doesn't have a wife and marital life to come home to.
I know that this might not sound all that appealing to you right now. But, if he is never allowed to discover that this carefree lifestyle is perhaps lonely and isolating rather than freeing, then, even if he does end up staying with you and the marriage, he's always going to wonder what might have been. And he's always going to look at his "freedom" as something that you tried to keep him from. Therefore all of those frustrating feelings of being "stuck" are still probably going to be associated with you and your marriage.
Quite honestly, a good deal of husbands in this situation eventually end up figuring out that the trade off for that freedom they want is a bitter loneliness and sense of loss for pushing away the one person who truly loves and knows them. I can't guarantee you that this will always happen. But, if you look at it rationally, you already have a husband who is determined to shed what he thinks is holding him back. How is that going to change if he's not allowed a glimpse of exactly what he is risking for a chance at perceived happiness?
At the very least, I think (and know from experience) that it makes sense to at least play along for a little while and see where that leads you. Because I can tell you that very few husbands who insist that they aren't going to change their minds about not wanting the marriage actually end up changing it without a little intervention first.
What Type of Husbands Every Women Wants?
Every woman on this planet needs a husband, preferably, an ideal one. A good husband is the dream of every woman - the ultimate desire and expectation. It is noted that an ideal companion is not easy to come by. To get an ideal husband, the one with whom a woman will live joyfully till good old age, something serious must be done. I mean, a serious commitment, such as marriage, requires preparation.
In preparing for marriage, a woman must be ready to go extra miles to have her way. There are some common beliefs men have about women, and any woman that is ready for marriage must try as much to live above them. This is important so as to satisfy her desire for an ideal husband. Here are seven of the most common beliefs that men have about women:
1. Women Are Never Satisfied - Every woman needs a husband that cares - who is highly responsible, and who can stand as the head of the family - a husband who is able to lead successfully and tenderly, such that the family members will recognize his position, respect and honour him and care for one another unreservedly. This is not asking for too much. Moreover, a good woman should expect that her husband should:
• Be a partner indeed and gainfully employed (2 Thessalonians 3:7-10).
• Be loving and caring (Genesis 24:67; Ephesians 5:25; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13).
• Be wise in communication (Proverbs 15:2, 4).
• Be reliable, realistic and considerate (Ephesians 4:32)
• Be ready to please her in all things (1 Corinthians 7:34b).
• Be able to patiently study her conduct, lifestyle, habits and make adjustments where necessary (Ephesians 4:2).
• Be studious and knowledgeable (2 Timothy 2:15).
• Be diligent and hardworking, not lazy (Proverbs 10:4).
• Be cheerful, not moody (Philippians 4:4).
• Be a generous giver, sometimes giving her surprise gifts (Proverbs 11:25).
• Be prayerful, waiting on the Lord, respecting and honouring God and leading other members of the family in doing same (Romans 12:11; Genesis 18:17-19).
• Be ready at all times to defend and protect her dignity and personality in the presence of visitors, in-laws, friends and outsiders (1 John 3:16).
• Be appreciative of all her efforts. Learn to say nice things such as "Thank you", "I appreciate you", "I love you", "God bless you", etc (Colossians 3:15).
• Be committed and faithful to the marriage vows for life, leaving and cleaving to his wife only (Genesis 2:21-24; Proverbs 5:15-18).
• Be available to hear her discussions (James 1:19).
• Be patient with her even when she offends (2 Timothy 2:4).
• Be filled with forgiving spirit and not retaliating or revengeful (Romans 12:21).
• Be holy in conscience (Job 31:1).
Because women are always looking for ways to make things better, men easily misunderstand their actions and contributions to mean over-demanding. I have once been counseled by some seasoned couples not to take my wife's suggestions as complaints or criticisms, rather, as her desire to make our marriage relationship or situation the best that it can be. In any case, a woman's contribution in the home is highly misunderstood. Any woman looking for a husband should bear in mind that men have reservations in matters that concern women and as a result must try to adjust herself to conquer these ugly notions about them.
In preparing for marriage, a woman must be ready to go extra miles to have her way. There are some common beliefs men have about women, and any woman that is ready for marriage must try as much to live above them. This is important so as to satisfy her desire for an ideal husband. Here are seven of the most common beliefs that men have about women:
1. Women Are Never Satisfied - Every woman needs a husband that cares - who is highly responsible, and who can stand as the head of the family - a husband who is able to lead successfully and tenderly, such that the family members will recognize his position, respect and honour him and care for one another unreservedly. This is not asking for too much. Moreover, a good woman should expect that her husband should:
• Be a partner indeed and gainfully employed (2 Thessalonians 3:7-10).
• Be loving and caring (Genesis 24:67; Ephesians 5:25; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13).
• Be wise in communication (Proverbs 15:2, 4).
• Be reliable, realistic and considerate (Ephesians 4:32)
• Be ready to please her in all things (1 Corinthians 7:34b).
• Be able to patiently study her conduct, lifestyle, habits and make adjustments where necessary (Ephesians 4:2).
• Be studious and knowledgeable (2 Timothy 2:15).
• Be diligent and hardworking, not lazy (Proverbs 10:4).
• Be cheerful, not moody (Philippians 4:4).
• Be a generous giver, sometimes giving her surprise gifts (Proverbs 11:25).
• Be prayerful, waiting on the Lord, respecting and honouring God and leading other members of the family in doing same (Romans 12:11; Genesis 18:17-19).
• Be ready at all times to defend and protect her dignity and personality in the presence of visitors, in-laws, friends and outsiders (1 John 3:16).
• Be appreciative of all her efforts. Learn to say nice things such as "Thank you", "I appreciate you", "I love you", "God bless you", etc (Colossians 3:15).
• Be committed and faithful to the marriage vows for life, leaving and cleaving to his wife only (Genesis 2:21-24; Proverbs 5:15-18).
• Be available to hear her discussions (James 1:19).
• Be patient with her even when she offends (2 Timothy 2:4).
• Be filled with forgiving spirit and not retaliating or revengeful (Romans 12:21).
• Be holy in conscience (Job 31:1).
Because women are always looking for ways to make things better, men easily misunderstand their actions and contributions to mean over-demanding. I have once been counseled by some seasoned couples not to take my wife's suggestions as complaints or criticisms, rather, as her desire to make our marriage relationship or situation the best that it can be. In any case, a woman's contribution in the home is highly misunderstood. Any woman looking for a husband should bear in mind that men have reservations in matters that concern women and as a result must try to adjust herself to conquer these ugly notions about them.
How To Find Minneapolis Wedding Photography
When you are planning a wedding in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, you should take into consideration the choices available in Minneapolis wedding photography. While the hall and the dress may be first and foremost in the mind of the bride, the photographer will preserve the memories for a lifetime so this service should not be taken lightly. When it comes to planning a wedding Minneapolis, the best way to find a good photographer is by viewing their work online.
Much has changed over the past several years when it comes to finding vendors and products for a wedding Minneapolis. No longer do people have to go to the studios of photographers and sit down with them to view their work or schedule the Minneapolis wedding photography. This can be done right from home as most photographers today realize the importance of having their portfolio online. They can discuss their experience, provide samples of the products that they offer as well as even offer special deals for those who are getting married in the area of Minneapolis or St. Paul.
It is easy to go online to take a look at the services and products that are offered by the photographers experienced in Minneapolis wedding photography. This is where one can see samples of the work done by these photographers as well as even see the different types of products that they will provide for a certain price. When you are planning a wedding Minneapolis and are looking for something a bit different, you can find artistic photographers that may include special effects in their photos as well as black and white photography. There are many different types of photographers in the area, many of whom do a professional job shooting weddings.
It is always a good idea to pay careful attention to the photographer that you choose to shoot the event. They should have plenty of experience when it comes to Minneapolis wedding photography as well as have a reliable track record. In addition, the photographer should also have the right equipment for the job. Some will offer movies of the event such as a DVD, while others will concentrate on still photos. Some will provide all types of services when asked to do so.
It is important to have an experienced photographer for this type of occasion as this is not the time for amateurs. The photos that are taken of a wedding Minneapolis are usually passed down from one generation to the next and can last for many generations to come, so it is best to make them lasting memories that can be had when a professional service is used. While those who are getting married will often look for ways to save money when planning a wedding, it should not be at the cost of the Minneapolis wedding photography. The photographer is the one person who will be responsible for not only preserving the memories of the big event, but also actually creating memories that will last a lifetime. It is important to choose wisely when looking for a photographer to shoot a Wedding Minneapolis.
Much has changed over the past several years when it comes to finding vendors and products for a wedding Minneapolis. No longer do people have to go to the studios of photographers and sit down with them to view their work or schedule the Minneapolis wedding photography. This can be done right from home as most photographers today realize the importance of having their portfolio online. They can discuss their experience, provide samples of the products that they offer as well as even offer special deals for those who are getting married in the area of Minneapolis or St. Paul.
It is easy to go online to take a look at the services and products that are offered by the photographers experienced in Minneapolis wedding photography. This is where one can see samples of the work done by these photographers as well as even see the different types of products that they will provide for a certain price. When you are planning a wedding Minneapolis and are looking for something a bit different, you can find artistic photographers that may include special effects in their photos as well as black and white photography. There are many different types of photographers in the area, many of whom do a professional job shooting weddings.
It is always a good idea to pay careful attention to the photographer that you choose to shoot the event. They should have plenty of experience when it comes to Minneapolis wedding photography as well as have a reliable track record. In addition, the photographer should also have the right equipment for the job. Some will offer movies of the event such as a DVD, while others will concentrate on still photos. Some will provide all types of services when asked to do so.
It is important to have an experienced photographer for this type of occasion as this is not the time for amateurs. The photos that are taken of a wedding Minneapolis are usually passed down from one generation to the next and can last for many generations to come, so it is best to make them lasting memories that can be had when a professional service is used. While those who are getting married will often look for ways to save money when planning a wedding, it should not be at the cost of the Minneapolis wedding photography. The photographer is the one person who will be responsible for not only preserving the memories of the big event, but also actually creating memories that will last a lifetime. It is important to choose wisely when looking for a photographer to shoot a Wedding Minneapolis.
Why we need a Pre Marital Verification
Pre- Marital Verification:
There are several areas where info has been provided but needs to be verified. You could be in for serious trouble if you go by the unverified information. In cases where marriage is contemplated, some info is verified while some other needs to be collected. Pre marital verification is perhaps the most important one as it could make or mar the whole of your life.
Marriages are made in heaven but consummated on earth. Long as they live, parents continue to worry about their children. They take care of them to the best of their ability. Parental care in India, commencing at birth, includes health, education, career guidance, financial help, marriage, advice and assistance in almost everything. Despite the weakening of family ties, most marriages in India are still arranged by the respective families. Finding grooms and brides, suitable ones, is the most onerous responsibility discharged by parents. An error of judgment here and your life is likely to come off at the seams.
As marriage is considered to be a life long relationship, precautions must be taken. Enquiries are made to gather as much info as possible about the prospective bride or groom. Relatives are pressed into service, neighbors are discreetly questioned about the family's financial standing, habits, physical fitness, character, and past record etc. Investigation agencies could come into play in gathering such information. Astrologers are also consulted. Horoscopes are matched. This practice is now not as common as it used to be, but is still followed by a large number of Hindus. Astral protection, nevertheless, is no guarantee of a successful marriage. Demands of human nature are much more powerful than all the planetary influences put together.
Whereas marriages are rarely arranged in the west, Indian culture continues to prefer them by and large. A marriage could be a love-marriage, arranged marriage or forced marriage. Whatever the nature of the marriage, its success depends upon the nature of the individuals involved. To gather information about that very nature is the real purpose of a pre-marital verification. It's not an easy job. But then, marriage is not an easy relationship. Mundane facts, even when most desirable, don't lead to a successful matrimonial alliance. World is full of divorcees whose horoscopes matched or who married out of love. Investigation agencies can definitely help to reduce the number of divorce cases pending in courts.
Divorce is not considered a stigma in the West. In India, however, it's a social as well as financial draw back. Most of our girls become merely housewives after marriage. They remain unemployed and have no money of their own. If divorced, they will have nothing to fall back on. So they continue to compromise. Divorce cases take years to be settled and in a corruption-ridden society, conclusions are foregone. Who would marry a poor widow, particularly one with encumbrances? So, once a woman becomes a divorcee, her family life is finished, her financial resources are gone and she is a burden for every body, including her own miserable self. To avoid such an eventuality, it is imperative to have an exhaustive pre-marital verification and gathering of necessary information.
You may be able to avoid some of the repercussions of divorce if you are educated and employed. But shock, tension and disgust will persist for years to come and even after a second marriage, the girl may not be able to enjoy a normal family life. As they say, prevention is always better than cure. Pre- marital verification is an attempt to prevent break up of marriages, at least a substantial number of them, by trying to assess the suitability of an alliance.
An unsuitable alliance and a broken marriage could equally adversely affect the life of a boy too. Only boys are in a better position to take care of themselves. They can contract a second marriage with comparative ease and in case they are rich, they can bribe their way through a court case without too many problems. An investigation agency is not meant to fight the corruption in the system but it can certainly help you avoid facing that corruption.
The complexities of modern life make it almost impossible for a family to go beyond the superficial. Individual as well as families have several faces and a few well-hidden skeletons in their cupboards. There are masks under masks and only the persistence and expertise of an investigation agency can unmask the truth. Most people are deceived by outward appearances and are not able to break the shell that hides the kernel. As a result, marriages flounder and finally break up.
Besides a family's suitability from all angles, a pre-marital verification has to deal with pre-marital affairs also. Families may be important but individuals are much more so. An emotionally unstable person, for instance, can never be the best choice as spouse. Normally, pre-marital love-affairs are discarded as soon as a marriage contract is made. Emotional attachments, however, are hard to shed. They have wrecked many a marriage and have led even to bloodshed. Of course, there are lots of post-marital factors which ruin a marriage, but a pre-marital enquiry has no access to them. Thus, pre-marital enquiries and verifications merely help in reducing the risk of a marriage break up through material and psychological input.
Whatever the nature of investigation, operatives have to be persistent, alert and observant. Their job is unenviable and involves risk. People are full of subterfuge and situations are often tricky. Things may not be as hunky dory as they appear to be. Those who are deceived by appearances never deliver the goods. Working in the field also requires toughness, sound judgement, commitment and the ability to move around or stay rooted to the spot. A superficial investigation will yield only superficial results, negating the very purpose of information input. A successful investigation requires suitably endowed operatives as well as the necessary gadgets.
Sometimes, clients don't go for a thorough and exhaustive enquiry. They have already made up their minds and merely want their information and views to be corroborated. That kind of attitude may very well defeat the purpose of an enquiry. Moreover, investigation agencies must be honest and above board. They must not fall prey to allurements and greed. All this is the sine qua non of success in the field of investigation.
There are several areas where info has been provided but needs to be verified. You could be in for serious trouble if you go by the unverified information. In cases where marriage is contemplated, some info is verified while some other needs to be collected. Pre marital verification is perhaps the most important one as it could make or mar the whole of your life.
Marriages are made in heaven but consummated on earth. Long as they live, parents continue to worry about their children. They take care of them to the best of their ability. Parental care in India, commencing at birth, includes health, education, career guidance, financial help, marriage, advice and assistance in almost everything. Despite the weakening of family ties, most marriages in India are still arranged by the respective families. Finding grooms and brides, suitable ones, is the most onerous responsibility discharged by parents. An error of judgment here and your life is likely to come off at the seams.
As marriage is considered to be a life long relationship, precautions must be taken. Enquiries are made to gather as much info as possible about the prospective bride or groom. Relatives are pressed into service, neighbors are discreetly questioned about the family's financial standing, habits, physical fitness, character, and past record etc. Investigation agencies could come into play in gathering such information. Astrologers are also consulted. Horoscopes are matched. This practice is now not as common as it used to be, but is still followed by a large number of Hindus. Astral protection, nevertheless, is no guarantee of a successful marriage. Demands of human nature are much more powerful than all the planetary influences put together.
Whereas marriages are rarely arranged in the west, Indian culture continues to prefer them by and large. A marriage could be a love-marriage, arranged marriage or forced marriage. Whatever the nature of the marriage, its success depends upon the nature of the individuals involved. To gather information about that very nature is the real purpose of a pre-marital verification. It's not an easy job. But then, marriage is not an easy relationship. Mundane facts, even when most desirable, don't lead to a successful matrimonial alliance. World is full of divorcees whose horoscopes matched or who married out of love. Investigation agencies can definitely help to reduce the number of divorce cases pending in courts.
Divorce is not considered a stigma in the West. In India, however, it's a social as well as financial draw back. Most of our girls become merely housewives after marriage. They remain unemployed and have no money of their own. If divorced, they will have nothing to fall back on. So they continue to compromise. Divorce cases take years to be settled and in a corruption-ridden society, conclusions are foregone. Who would marry a poor widow, particularly one with encumbrances? So, once a woman becomes a divorcee, her family life is finished, her financial resources are gone and she is a burden for every body, including her own miserable self. To avoid such an eventuality, it is imperative to have an exhaustive pre-marital verification and gathering of necessary information.
You may be able to avoid some of the repercussions of divorce if you are educated and employed. But shock, tension and disgust will persist for years to come and even after a second marriage, the girl may not be able to enjoy a normal family life. As they say, prevention is always better than cure. Pre- marital verification is an attempt to prevent break up of marriages, at least a substantial number of them, by trying to assess the suitability of an alliance.
An unsuitable alliance and a broken marriage could equally adversely affect the life of a boy too. Only boys are in a better position to take care of themselves. They can contract a second marriage with comparative ease and in case they are rich, they can bribe their way through a court case without too many problems. An investigation agency is not meant to fight the corruption in the system but it can certainly help you avoid facing that corruption.
The complexities of modern life make it almost impossible for a family to go beyond the superficial. Individual as well as families have several faces and a few well-hidden skeletons in their cupboards. There are masks under masks and only the persistence and expertise of an investigation agency can unmask the truth. Most people are deceived by outward appearances and are not able to break the shell that hides the kernel. As a result, marriages flounder and finally break up.
Besides a family's suitability from all angles, a pre-marital verification has to deal with pre-marital affairs also. Families may be important but individuals are much more so. An emotionally unstable person, for instance, can never be the best choice as spouse. Normally, pre-marital love-affairs are discarded as soon as a marriage contract is made. Emotional attachments, however, are hard to shed. They have wrecked many a marriage and have led even to bloodshed. Of course, there are lots of post-marital factors which ruin a marriage, but a pre-marital enquiry has no access to them. Thus, pre-marital enquiries and verifications merely help in reducing the risk of a marriage break up through material and psychological input.
Whatever the nature of investigation, operatives have to be persistent, alert and observant. Their job is unenviable and involves risk. People are full of subterfuge and situations are often tricky. Things may not be as hunky dory as they appear to be. Those who are deceived by appearances never deliver the goods. Working in the field also requires toughness, sound judgement, commitment and the ability to move around or stay rooted to the spot. A superficial investigation will yield only superficial results, negating the very purpose of information input. A successful investigation requires suitably endowed operatives as well as the necessary gadgets.
Sometimes, clients don't go for a thorough and exhaustive enquiry. They have already made up their minds and merely want their information and views to be corroborated. That kind of attitude may very well defeat the purpose of an enquiry. Moreover, investigation agencies must be honest and above board. They must not fall prey to allurements and greed. All this is the sine qua non of success in the field of investigation.
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